Desperate to end white supremacy and wipe the scourge of European colonialism from the face of planet earth, Yale history professor Nicolas Walker killed himself yesterday to get the ball rolling on white genocide. The manner of death was not available at press time. The ivy league professor hoped that his self-sacrifice would encourage other white people to follow his example, reporters learned.
Mr Walker’s mother reported that her son had had genocidal thoughts about white people for as long as she could remember. “He was wracked with guilt for being white, but tweeting about the annihilation of the white race gave him immense joy. He absolutely adored it!” his mother fondly reminisced.
“Nick said all he wanted for Christmas this year was white genocide. Looks like Christmas came early,” stated the professor’s father Jimmy Walker while holding back tears. “Losing a son is excruciating, but he did the right thing. It’s for a noble cause.”
“It’s simple, really; he wanted nothing more than the systematic massacre of people of European descent. I don’t think that’s very unreasonable given white people’s less than stellar historical record,” stated colleague and fellow white person Erich Frisch.
“Nick and his students had lively discussions about the intrinsic evil nature of white people and their biological tendency to rape, pillage and plunder every culture and people with whom they come into contact. Really inspiring stuff,” Mr Frisch told reporters.
Yale President Ryan Waters offered a moving public statement after the horrific incident saying, “In an age where most lack the courage of their moral convictions, we at Yale are proud that Nick Walker not only talked the talk but he walked the walk. He bravely put his genocidal ideas into action which is what a Yale education is all about.”
Mr Walker is survived by his wife of 25 years and three adult children who plan to follow in the late professor’s footsteps.