Being a literal Nazi these days is complicated and discussing your new ideas about racial hierarchies and why Jews and Slavs are subhuman with those nearest and dearest to you isn’t easy. Being true to yourself as a Nazi can be traumatizing, so here are 5 easy ways to let your loved ones know you’ve become a literal Nazi.
1 Don a Hitler-Style Mustache
Growing a Hitler mustache may be the most obvious way to let family know you now swear allegiance to a homicidal, Jew-hating political ideology, but that is also why it’s the most effective. In the history of men’s grooming and styling, no other mustache is more iconic. As a member of the Aryan Master Race, you’ll bear an unmistakable resemblance to the failed artist and mass murderer himself. Ladies, you can pick up a Hitler-style mustache from any Halloween costume store.
2 Greet Family With the Nazi Salute
Rather than do the traditional shaking of hands or hugging those closest to you, try greeting your mother with a strong Nazi salute accompanied by a blank stare into the distance. She’ll certainly know you’ve made some important changes in your life. Standing there holding your arm in the air with tightly shaven facial hair on your upper lip, the woman who gave you life will instantly recognize you as a follower of the crazed early 20th century German political leader.
3 Incorporate Swastika Designs Into Home Decor
The swastika has a clean, bold design that will really capture your family’s imagination. Incorporating the swastika into your home’s interior design is a flashy, stylish way to send the message that you’re now a literal Nazi. Putting the swatiska on cups, plates and coffee tables is both subtle and tasteful. It’s also a great conversation starter for family members who still don’t get it. When your brother sees that bold crooked cross emblazoned on the toilet seat while he’s taking a shit, he’ll understand how dedicated you are to your new genocidal beliefs.
4 Wear a Lot of Brown Shirts
Along with modernizing your home decor, you’ll need to update your wardrobe by going a bit retro. Go to your local second-hand clothing store and buy up all of their brown, button up shirts that look even vaguely militaristic. Make sure they’re fitted and always – and I cannot stress this point enough – ALWAYS wear them buttoned all the way up. It shows how committed and disciplined you are in your superior political ideology.
5 Scream Nazi Catchphrases When Addressed
If all else fails, I would heartily recommend screaming tried and true Nazi catchphrases whenever a family member addresses you. They may be a bit startled by you shouting “Sieg Heil!” and “Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer!” rather than a simple “Yes, what do you need?”, but it’s quite effective in getting the point across that you’re a literal Nazi now and things are going to be a lot different around here.
Note: There’s a small chance family could mistake you for a Boy Scout practicing German, but stay true to the 5 points above and the Third Reich will rise again! Sieg Heil!