In the current year, I’m astonished there are still ignorant twats who don’t think we should believe all women. But I’m not one of those ignorant twats. I unquestionably believe women – all women. And I’ll tell you why – because it is biologically impossible for vaginas to lie.
Vaginas are a breathtaking piece of anatomical engineering that may look like a mouth from the right angle but are not designed to lie like regular mouths are. Vaginas are a sacred, nay, a holy hole designed to bring precious, little innocent babies into this world, not spit out blatant falsehoods that could destroy lives.
It’s a beautiful thing that vaginas do but one thing they can’t do is make-up stories about needing to care for their sick mother overnight when that little bitch is really out having their first gangbang with two meatheads they met at the bar while I’m home alone watching reruns of Friends.
No, as a divine orifice that gives the gift of life, vaginas cannot utter untrue, false, deceptive or slanderous statements. Decades of scientific literature on human biology and reproduction back me up on this too. In the history of medicine, there is no recorded case of either the inner or outer labia falsifying information, stretching the truth or fibbing about texting their “daddy” skimpy photos.
As a society, we need to realize that vaginas, and the lovely women attached to them, simply cannot, and would not, lie – ever, at all, about anything, for any reason, ever.
Addendum: In case I wasn’t explicit enough, I want to reiterate that women never lie. It’s a law of nature.