Bye-Bye Boys! US Colleges to Become Female Only Within 18 Months

PRINCETON, NJ - On campuses across the country, the future is really is female. That's because U.S. colleges plan to phase out male students...

Awkward! 22 Year Old Last in Friend Group to Sell Nudes on Onlyfans

HUNTINGTON, NY - Twenty-two year old Huntington woman Lela Ellis is distressed today after learning she's the last person in her group of friends...

Cute Couple Instantly Clicked After Learning They Both Had Dying in Common

CHANDLER, AZ - Having trouble finding someone with the same interests and goals, cute couple Ruth Newton and Bill Weaver instantly clicked after learning...

Lucky Area Man Finally Gets His 15 Minutes of Anonymity

SOMEWHERE, USA - Yearning to have a moment of total obscurity before he dies, a lucky area man finally got his fifteen minutes of...

Californians Flocking to Texas Hope State Becomes Overpriced Shithole Too

AUSTIN, TX - Reluctantly leaving palm tree lined streets littered with bags of liquid poop and a promising influx of homeless people, Californians flocking...

Americans Lazily Telecommuting from Comfort of Bed Fear Covid-19 Lockdown Will End Too Soon

WASHINGTON, DC - Americans lazily telecommuting from the comfort of their bed fear the Covid-19 lockdown will end too soon, says a national study...

So Profound! Pretty Girl Writes Song About Being a Pretty Girl Called Pretty Girl

ARLINGTON, TX - With Shakespearean-like word choice, local pretty girl Mekenzie Nichols has written a deeply profound song about being a pretty girl called...

Bernie Vows to Come Back From the Dead to Lose a Third Presidential Bid in 2024

ST. LOUIS, MI - Unhappy with being demolished in two presidential races while alive, Bernie Sanders, who recently suspended his campaign, stated at a...

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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...

Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

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Perfectionist Looter Knows He Can Pillage Stores, Burn Down Police Stations Better Than That

MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Disappointed with his poor performance during...

Doctors Recommend Healthy Dose of White Guilt for Reduced Racial Tension

GLENDALE, AZ - With cases of race-related anxiety being...

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