Perfectionist Looter Knows He Can Pillage Stores, Burn Down Police Stations Better Than That

MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Disappointed with his poor performance during days of rioting in the Twin Cities, perfectionist looter Pete Gibbs knows he can pillage...

New Coronavirus Symptom Makes You Think You Have Coronavirus Symptoms

FRESNO, CA - Health experts in California this week have found a strange, new Coronavirus symptom which makes you think you have Coronavirus symptoms. With...

Breaking: Woman Terrified Guy Just Asking for Directions Secretly Hitting on Her

MADISON, WI - Breaking news from downtown today as twenty five year old woman Susan Sloan was terrified a guy just asking for directions...

Suicidal Man Tries Killing Self by Overdosing on Unwashed Grapes

CORPUS CHRISTI, TX  - Suicidal twenty-nine year old Dean Abbott tried killing himself this week by overdosing on unwashed grapes, according to family members...

FBI: Extremist Groups Plotting Fun-Filled Gatherings With Friends Must Be Stopped

WASHINGTON, DC - Deliberately flouting government mandates to maintain social distance and wear a mask in public, the FBI warned the public today that...

Bye-Bye Boys! US Colleges to Become Female Only Within 18 Months

PRINCETON, NJ - On campuses across the country, the future is really is female. That's because U.S. colleges plan to phase out male students...

Awkward! 22 Year Old Last in Friend Group to Sell Nudes on Onlyfans

HUNTINGTON, NY - Twenty-two year old Huntington woman Lela Ellis is distressed today after learning she's the last person in her group of friends...

Cute Couple Instantly Clicked After Learning They Both Had Dying in Common

CHANDLER, AZ - Having trouble finding someone with the same interests and goals, cute couple Ruth Newton and Bill Weaver instantly clicked after learning...

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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...
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Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

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Man Certain Failed Relationship Would Work If Ex Were Different Person

Upset over s recent breakup, local man Billy Webb is certain his now failed relationship with his ex-girlfriend would have worked if she had just been a totally different person.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative...

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