California Reduces Murder to Jaywalking as Way to End Harmful Stigma Faced by Cold-Blooded Killers

SACRAMENTO, CA - As murderers suffer increasing discrimination for simply committing heinous acts of homicide, California has reduced murder to a jaywalking infraction as...

Nigerian Brothers Achieve Childhood Dream of Living in White Supremacist Country

AKRON, OH - Wanting to enjoy all of the benefits that white supremacy has to offer, Nigerian brothers Abeo and Akunna Adeyemi achieved their...

DEA Warns Marijuana Is “Gateway Drug” to Really Fucking Good Time

SPRINGFIELD, VA - Cautioning the public against the giggle-inducing effects of smoking pot, the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) warned U.S. citizens at a press...

I Believe All Women Because It’s Biologically Impossible for Vaginas to Lie

In the current year, I'm astonished there are still ignorant twats who don't think we should believe all women. But I'm not one of...

Little Bigot! White Boy Accused of Racism for Hugging Black Friend Too Much

WACO, TX - With physical displays of affection against black people on the rise, bigoted white boy James Chase has been accused of racism for...

Controversial Study Suggests Girls Are Not Made of Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Tempe, AZ - Upending long-standing scientific consensus on the nature of female-kind, a controversial new study conducted by Arizona State University suggests that girls...

I Live Everyday Like It’s My Last. That’s Why I’m Making Funeral Arrangements at Work.

Live everyday like it's your last. I've always loved that motto and tried, often without success, to live up to its wisdom. But today...

Pope Francis: Having Sex Is Literally Like Watching Live Amateur Porn

The Vatican - Warning against the evils of observing oneself having sex, Pope Francis told parishioners at the Vatican this last Sunday that having...

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Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

Family Devastated When Teen Son Comes Out as Straight White Male

PARK SLOPE, BROOKLYN - A bombshell admission from a heterosexual, caucasian teen has left an area family devastated this...

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Controversial Study Suggests Girls Are Not Made of Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Tempe, AZ - Upending long-standing scientific consensus on the...

USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being...

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Japanese Robotics Engineer Fired for Fondling ‘Most Beautiful’ Android

A Japanese robotics engineer was summarily fired for groping the breasts of the world's "most beautiful" android Erica

Yale Professor Advocating White Genocide Kills Self to Get Ball Rolling

Desperate to end white supremacy and wipe the scourge...