Californians Flocking to Texas Hope State Becomes Overpriced Shithole Too

AUSTIN, TX - Reluctantly leaving palm tree lined streets littered with bags of liquid poop and a promising influx of homeless people, Californians flocking...

Americans Lazily Telecommuting from Comfort of Bed Fear Covid-19 Lockdown Will End Too Soon

WASHINGTON, DC - Americans lazily telecommuting from the comfort of their bed fear the Covid-19 lockdown will end too soon, says a national study...

So Profound! Pretty Girl Writes Song About Being a Pretty Girl Called Pretty Girl

ARLINGTON, TX - With Shakespearean-like word choice, local pretty girl Mekenzie Nichols has written a deeply profound song about being a pretty girl called...

Bernie Vows to Come Back From the Dead to Lose a Third Presidential Bid in 2024

ST. LOUIS, MI - Unhappy with being demolished in two presidential races while alive, Bernie Sanders, who recently suspended his campaign, stated at a...

Kinky! Feminist Fantasizes About Fucking the Patriarchy Like a Submissive 1950s Housewife

Despite being kink-shamed by fellow gender equality crusaders, feminist Vicki Ballard fantasizes non-stop about fucking the patriarchy like a submissive 1950s housewife, shocked feminist...

Bored Couple Forced to Talk to Each Other After Finishing Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, Amazon Prime and Youtube

FRENSO, CA - No longer able to put off their inevitable interaction, bored local couple Frank Phelps and Kathryn Kirkland were forced to talk...

Breaking: Unarmed Black Man Killed With Kindness by Police

BALTIMORE, MD - With police civility out of control across the country, unarmed black man Leeshawn McNeil was killed with kindness by police today,...

Elderly Man Well Enough to Take Leisurely Stroll During Pandemic Clearly Has Super Powers

AUGUSTA, GA - Local elderly man Bruce Bright who's well enough to take leisurely strolls during a global health pandemic clearly has super powers,...

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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...

Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

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The Simpsons Forbids Use of Rich, Hollywood Actors to Voice Working Class Stiffs

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Barbie Unveils Aspirational Doll Line Happy Hookers

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Beautiful White People ‘Racist’ for Perpetuating White Beauty Standards

Minority groups, academics and feminists claim that beautiful white people are racist because they perpetuate harmful white beauty standards.