Lucky Area Man Finally Gets His 15 Minutes of Anonymity

SOMEWHERE, USA - Yearning to have a moment of total obscurity before he dies, a lucky area man finally got his fifteen minutes of...

Californians Flocking to Texas Hope State Becomes Overpriced Shithole Too

AUSTIN, TX - Reluctantly leaving palm tree lined streets littered with bags of liquid poop and a promising influx of homeless people, Californians flocking...

Americans Lazily Telecommuting from Comfort of Bed Fear Covid-19 Lockdown Will End Too Soon

WASHINGTON, DC - Americans lazily telecommuting from the comfort of their bed fear the Covid-19 lockdown will end too soon, says a national study...

So Profound! Pretty Girl Writes Song About Being a Pretty Girl Called Pretty Girl

ARLINGTON, TX - With Shakespearean-like word choice, local pretty girl Mekenzie Nichols has written a deeply profound song about being a pretty girl called...

Bernie Vows to Come Back From the Dead to Lose a Third Presidential Bid in 2024

ST. LOUIS, MI - Unhappy with being demolished in two presidential races while alive, Bernie Sanders, who recently suspended his campaign, stated at a...

Kinky! Feminist Fantasizes About Fucking the Patriarchy Like a Submissive 1950s Housewife

Despite being kink-shamed by fellow gender equality crusaders, feminist Vicki Ballard fantasizes non-stop about fucking the patriarchy like a submissive 1950s housewife, shocked feminist...

Bored Couple Forced to Talk to Each Other After Finishing Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, Amazon Prime and Youtube

FRENSO, CA - No longer able to put off their inevitable interaction, bored local couple Frank Phelps and Kathryn Kirkland were forced to talk...

Breaking: Unarmed Black Man Killed With Kindness by Police

BALTIMORE, MD - With police civility out of control across the country, unarmed black man Leeshawn McNeil was killed with kindness by police today,...

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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...
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Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

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Breaking: Woman Terrified Guy Just Asking for Directions Secretly Hitting on Her

MADISON, WI - Breaking news from downtown today as...

Correctly Identifying Someone’s Gender Is as Easy as Sniffing Their Ass, Scientists Say

CHICAGO - Taking a cue from man's best friend,...

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Unable to find a man deserving of her, 38 year old art director Mary Schwartz recently became sologamous and married herself.

My Dick Is Too Big to Go to Jail Pleads Well-Hung Man During Arrest

GALLUP, NM - Leveraging his breathtakingly large penis to...