Area Man Vows to Never Give Up On Dream of Unearned Fame and Wealth

PIGEON FORGE, TN – Feeling destined for greatness without having to work for it, area man Lawrence Tyson vowed today that he’ll never give up on his lifelong dream of unearned fame and wealth.

“The Protestant ethic of putting your nose to the grind stone and working hard to accomplish your goals is for losers,” he said lounging poolside on a beautiful summer day sipping gingerly on a Hawaiian Margarita. “Life’s real winners are those who did absolutely nothing for their success.”

Pushing the little paper umbrella out of the way for another sip, Mr Tyson told reporters, who were also sipping margaritas, “Do you even realize how difficult a feat it is to sit on your ass all day yet, despite all odds, become a filthy rich celebrity? It’s damn near impossible.”

“But you know what the hardest part is?” Mr Tyson asked in a moment of genuine vulnerability while mixing more drinks. “It’s never letting the dream die; it’s keeping that initial spark of belief and turning it into a bright, glowing flame of stardom and affluence that isn’t deserved in any conceivable universe.”

Mr Tyson said those who doubted him and thought he was being laughably unrealistic were just jealous of his aspirations. “I’ll prove the haters wrong,” he promised with determination.

At publication time, Mr Tyson was still broke and unknown.

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