Madonna Apologizes for Pro-Life Lyric ‘I’m Keeping My Baby’ in 1980s Hit Song ‘Papa Don’t Preach’

NEW YORK, NY - Mortified she inadvertently promoted pro-life ideology, the Material Girl has apologized for the pro-life lyric "I"m keeping my baby" in...

Crazed American Woman Kidnaps Member of Royal Family, Flees to Canada

LONDON - In an affront to Britian's worthless monarchy, a crazed American woman kidnapped a member of the royal family today and fled to...

Hollywood Exec Terrified His Time in the #MeToo Limelight May Never Come

HOLLYWOOD - Concerned that sexual assault allegations from actresses he briefly worked with two decades ago haven't yet materialized, Hollywood executive Matthew Stein is...

Miss America Replaces Swimsuit Competition with Homemaking Competition

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ - Taking a boldly traditional approach to beauty pageants, Miss America is replacing its outdated swimsuit competition with an innovative homemaking...

Scarlett Johansson Praises Transgender Community for Screwing Her Out of Movie Role

LOS ANGELES - Trying to hold back tears of appreciation, Scarlett Johansson lavished praise on the transgender community today for totally screwing her out of...

Report: Big Boobed Directors Are Massively Underrepresented in Hollywood

HOLLYWOOD - As minorities and women with small to average sized breasts make noticeable gains in the film industry, a new report from UCLA's...

Pornhub Disables Commenting After Rash Of Respectful Comments Surface

MONTREAL - Having a zero tolerance policy on positive and empowering language about women, Pornhub was forced to disable commenting after a rash of...

Beautiful White People ‘Racist’ for Perpetuating White Beauty Standards

Minority groups, academics and feminists claim that beautiful white people are racist because they perpetuate harmful white beauty standards.

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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...

Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

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California Reduces Murder to Jaywalking as Way to End Harmful Stigma Faced by Cold-Blooded Killers

SACRAMENTO, CA - As murderers suffer increasing discrimination for...

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Breaking: Unarmed Black Man Killed With Kindness by Police

BALTIMORE, MD - With police civility out of control...

Family Devastated When Teen Son Comes Out as Straight White Male

PARK SLOPE, BROOKLYN - A bombshell admission from a...

Little Bigot! White Boy Accused of Racism for Hugging Black Friend Too Much

WACO, TX - With physical displays of affection against...
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