Entertainment

The Simpsons Forbids Use of Rich, Hollywood Actors to Voice Working Class Stiffs

HOLLYWOOD - The Simpsons, the beloved cartoon series owned by Fox, is forbidding the use of rich, Hollywood actors to voice characters that are...
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Entertainment

So Profound! Pretty Girl Writes Song About Being a Pretty Girl Called Pretty Girl

ARLINGTON, TX - With Shakespearean-like word choice, local pretty girl Mekenzie Nichols has written a deeply profound song about being a pretty girl called...
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Entertainment

Madonna Apologizes for Pro-Life Lyric ‘I’m Keeping My Baby’ in 1980s Hit Song ‘Papa Don’t Preach’

NEW YORK, NY - Mortified she inadvertently promoted pro-life ideology, the Material Girl has apologized for the pro-life lyric "I"m keeping my baby" in...
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Entertainment

Crazed American Woman Kidnaps Member of Royal Family, Flees to Canada

LONDON - In an affront to Britian's worthless monarchy, a crazed American woman kidnapped a member of the royal family today and fled to...
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Entertainment

Hollywood Exec Terrified His Time in the #MeToo Limelight May Never Come

HOLLYWOOD - Concerned that sexual assault allegations from actresses he briefly worked with two decades ago haven't yet materialized, Hollywood executive Matthew Stein is...
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Entertainment

Miss America Replaces Swimsuit Competition with Homemaking Competition

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ - Taking a boldly traditional approach to beauty pageants, Miss America is replacing its outdated swimsuit competition with an innovative homemaking...
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Entertainment

Scarlett Johansson Praises Transgender Community for Screwing Her Out of Movie Role

LOS ANGELES - Trying to hold back tears of appreciation, Scarlett Johansson lavished praise on the transgender community today for totally screwing her out of...
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Entertainment

Report: Big Boobed Directors Are Massively Underrepresented in Hollywood

HOLLYWOOD - As minorities and women with small to average sized breasts make noticeable gains in the film industry, a new report from UCLA's...
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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...
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Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.
Tech

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

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Entertainment

Beautiful White People ‘Racist’ for Perpetuating White Beauty Standards

Minority groups, academics and feminists claim that beautiful white people are racist because they perpetuate harmful white beauty standards.
Love & Sex

Cute Couple Instantly Clicked After Learning They Both Had Dying in Common

CHANDLER, AZ - Having trouble finding someone with the...

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HUNTINGTON, NY - Twenty-two year old Huntington woman Lela...
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Doctors: Only Known Cure for Resting Bitch Face Is to Stop Being a Bitch

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Yale Professor Advocating White Genocide Kills Self to Get Ball Rolling

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