HOLLYWOOD – As minorities and women with small to average sized breasts make noticeable gains in the film industry, a new report from UCLA’s Gender Studies department indicates that directors with big boobs are massively underrepresented in Hollywood.
The report paints a sobering picture of the hardships busty female directors face, but the core finding is this: the larger the director’s breasts the more discrimination she faces. Due to big boob bigotry, women who wear a DD cup or larger are virtually non-existent in directorial positions, the report emphasized.
“It’s troubling that in the current year women with huge knockers have to be that much better than women with ant hills for tits to even get a meeting with studios,” stated aspiring director Lula Hull who has 32GG breasts. “These babies don’t open doors in Hollywood; they close doors.”
“Women with large breasts are being left behind,” stated Lucy Talley, UCLA Gender Studies professor who wrote the damning report. “They’re part of an oppressed class who struggle to be noticed due to a biological trait over which they have no control.”
Sony Pictures CEO Tony Vinciquerra had a more upbeat outlook, however. “We at Sony believe having abnormally large mammary glands gives one a unique perspective on the world,” the breast positive executive told reporters. “Their stories need to be told and Sony eagerly seeks to finance any aspiring director with an amazing set of humungous tatas.”
Lambasting the Oscars for failing to nominate even one big boob director, the report concluded that there’s still a long way to go for women with heavy hangers in Tinsel Town.