Congress Seeks to Extend Voting Rights to Annoying Little Brothers
Washington, DC - In an effort designed to further empower the American people, a bipartisan group of congress members put forth a bill this...
Airlines to Anally Probe Travelers Just to Kinda See Who’s Kinky Like That
FT WORTH, TX - In a press release sent to media outlets across the country, several airlines have announced they will begin to anally...
Biden Suffers Near Fatal Heart Attack While Putting on Tenth Mask
WASHINGTON, DC - Following Dr Fauci's recommendation of wearing multiple masks, President Biden suffered a near fatal heart attack today while putting on mask...
AOC Makes History as First Congresswoman to Have Onlyfans Account
WASHINGTON, DC - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez made history this week as the first congresswoman or elected female official in the United States to have an...
Shots Fired! Burger King CEO Lambasts White Castle as Tool of White Supremacy
MIAMI, FL - In a scathing 2000 word post on the company's website, the CEO of Burger King lambasted fast food rival White Castle...
Social Distancing Necessary Until Humanity Goes Extinct, Models Predict
GENEVA - Models projecting a Covid-19 death toll in the millions now predict the only way to rid humanity of the novel coronavirus is...
Perfectionist Looter Knows He Can Pillage Stores, Burn Down Police Stations Better Than That
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Disappointed with his poor performance during days of rioting in the Twin Cities, perfectionist looter Pete Gibbs knows he can pillage...
New Coronavirus Symptom Makes You Think You Have Coronavirus Symptoms
FRESNO, CA - Health experts in California this week have found a strange, new Coronavirus symptom which makes you think you have Coronavirus symptoms.With...
Breaking: Woman Terrified Guy Just Asking for Directions Secretly Hitting on Her
MADISON, WI - Breaking news from downtown today as twenty five year old woman Susan Sloan was terrified a guy just asking for directions...