Airlines to Anally Probe Travelers Just to Kinda See Who’s Kinky Like That

FT WORTH, TX - In a press release sent to media outlets across the country, several airlines have announced they will begin to anally...

Biden Suffers Near Fatal Heart Attack While Putting on Tenth Mask

WASHINGTON, DC - Following Dr Fauci's recommendation of wearing multiple masks, President Biden suffered a near fatal heart attack today while putting on mask...

AOC Makes History as First Congresswoman to Have Onlyfans Account

WASHINGTON, DC - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez made history this week as the first congresswoman or elected female official in the United States to have an...

Shots Fired! Burger King CEO Lambasts White Castle as Tool of White Supremacy

MIAMI, FL - In a scathing 2000 word post on the company's website, the CEO of Burger King lambasted fast food rival White Castle...

Social Distancing Necessary Until Humanity Goes Extinct, Models Predict

GENEVA - Models projecting a Covid-19 death toll in the millions now predict the only way to rid humanity of the novel coronavirus is...

Perfectionist Looter Knows He Can Pillage Stores, Burn Down Police Stations Better Than That

MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Disappointed with his poor performance during days of rioting in the Twin Cities, perfectionist looter Pete Gibbs knows he can pillage...

New Coronavirus Symptom Makes You Think You Have Coronavirus Symptoms

FRESNO, CA - Health experts in California this week have found a strange, new Coronavirus symptom which makes you think you have Coronavirus symptoms. With...

Breaking: Woman Terrified Guy Just Asking for Directions Secretly Hitting on Her

MADISON, WI - Breaking news from downtown today as twenty five year old woman Susan Sloan was terrified a guy just asking for directions...

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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...

Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

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Near Perfect Hieroglyphs of Ancient Egyptian Women Taking Selfies Discovered by Archeologists

CAIRO - Deemed the most important archeological discovery in...

I Live Everyday Like It’s My Last. That’s Why I’m Making Funeral Arrangements at Work.

Live everyday like it's your last. I've always loved...

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Trans Woman’s Civil Rights Violated When Stranger Avoids Eye Contact

Local transgender woman Kim Larson reports that her civil rights were grossly violated when a total stranger deliberately avoided eye contact with her crossing paths on Fifth Street last week.
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