Disgusting! Helpless Woman Harassed by Group of Men Not Paying Attention to Her

Blacksburg, VA - In a disgusting display of sexual aggression, helpless woman Mary Carney was harassed by a group of men not paying attention...

Airlines to Anally Probe Travelers Just to Kinda See Who’s Kinky Like That

FT WORTH, TX - In a press release sent to media outlets across the country, several airlines have announced they will begin to anally...

Biden Suffers Near Fatal Heart Attack While Putting on Tenth Mask

WASHINGTON, DC - Following Dr Fauci's recommendation of wearing multiple masks, President Biden suffered a near fatal heart attack today while putting on mask...

AOC Makes History as First Congresswoman to Have Onlyfans Account

WASHINGTON, DC - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez made history this week as the first congresswoman or elected female official in the United States to have an...

Nation’s Girlfriends Threaten to Have Sex, Warn They May Enjoy It

BUFORD, MT - Boyfriends are cowering in fear this evening after the nation's girlfriends threatened to have sex, warning they may actually enjoy it,...

The Simpsons Forbids Use of Rich, Hollywood Actors to Voice Working Class Stiffs

HOLLYWOOD - The Simpsons, the beloved cartoon series owned by Fox, is forbidding the use of rich, Hollywood actors to voice characters that are...

Shots Fired! Burger King CEO Lambasts White Castle as Tool of White Supremacy

MIAMI, FL - In a scathing 2000 word post on the company's website, the CEO of Burger King lambasted fast food rival White Castle...

Social Distancing Necessary Until Humanity Goes Extinct, Models Predict

GENEVA - Models projecting a Covid-19 death toll in the millions now predict the only way to rid humanity of the novel coronavirus is...

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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...
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Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

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DEA Warns Marijuana Is “Gateway Drug” to Really Fucking Good Time

SPRINGFIELD, VA - Cautioning the public against the giggle-inducing...

Barbie Unveils Aspirational Doll Line Happy Hookers

EL SEGUNDO, CA - In an effort to increase...

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