Woman Desperately Seeking Attention Online From Men Who’d Creep Her Out in Real Life

STANTON, CA - Needing a self-confidence boost from total strangers this morning, local woman Lillian Cherry is desperately seeking attention online from men who'd totally creep her out in real life."Whenever I need a...

Area Man Vows to Never Give Up On Dream of Unearned Fame and Wealth

PIGEON FORGE, TN - Feeling destined for greatness without having to work for it, area man Lawrence Tyson vowed today that he'll never give...

NASA Fakes First Moon Landing in Over 50 Years

KENNEDY SPACE CENTER, FLA - Life-like astronauts, compelling-looking moon landers and advanced LED screen technology helped NASA fake its first moon landing in over...

Local Man Who Can’t Get Any Other Women Dumped by Girlfriend

DAYTON, OH - Despite being in a relationship with a woman, local man Keith Abbott was dumped by his longtime girlfriend last week due...

Congress Seeks to Extend Voting Rights to Annoying Little Brothers

Washington, DC - In an effort designed to further empower the American people, a bipartisan group of congress members put forth a bill this...

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The Simpsons Forbids Use of Rich, Hollywood Actors to Voice Working Class Stiffs

HOLLYWOOD - The Simpsons, the beloved cartoon series owned by Fox, is forbidding the use of rich, Hollywood actors to voice characters that are...

So Profound! Pretty Girl Writes Song About Being a Pretty Girl Called Pretty Girl

ARLINGTON, TX - With Shakespearean-like word choice, local pretty girl Mekenzie Nichols has written a deeply profound song about being a pretty girl called...

Madonna Apologizes for Pro-Life Lyric ‘I’m Keeping My Baby’ in 1980s Hit Song ‘Papa Don’t Preach’

NEW YORK, NY - Mortified she inadvertently promoted pro-life ideology, the Material Girl has apologized for the pro-life lyric "I"m keeping my baby" in...

Crazed American Woman Kidnaps Member of Royal Family, Flees to Canada

LONDON - In an affront to Britian's worthless monarchy, a crazed American woman kidnapped a member of the royal family today and fled to...
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Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO Brendan Whitehead says that drug-fueled...

Meet the Dude Who Made a Cool $12 Million Online from Inside His Mother’s Womb

SILICON VALLEY - We've all heard of people making their online fortune from their parent's basement or from some dilapidated garage only after they...

Near Perfect Hieroglyphs of Ancient Egyptian Women Taking Selfies Discovered by Archeologists

CAIRO - Deemed the most important archeological discovery in history, immaculately preserved hieroglyphs of ancient Egyptian women taking selfies were discovered by Oxford archeologists...

New State of the Art Sexbots Are Emotional, Refuse Sex and Nag About the Trash

SAN MARCOS, CA - Designing sex robots to be more than just bangable lumps of silicone, sex robot manufacturer Dollicious has unveiled its new...

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