Love & Sex

Disgusting! Helpless Woman Harassed by Group of Men Not Paying Attention to Her

Blacksburg, VA - In a disgusting display of sexual aggression, helpless woman Mary Carney was harassed by a group of men not paying attention...
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Airlines to Anally Probe Travelers Just to Kinda See Who’s Kinky Like That

FT WORTH, TX - In a press release sent to media outlets across the country, several airlines have announced they will begin to anally...
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News

Biden Suffers Near Fatal Heart Attack While Putting on Tenth Mask

WASHINGTON, DC - Following Dr Fauci's recommendation of wearing multiple masks, President Biden suffered a near fatal heart attack today while putting on mask...
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News

AOC Makes History as First Congresswoman to Have Onlyfans Account

WASHINGTON, DC - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez made history this week as the first congresswoman or elected female official in the United States to have an...
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Love & Sex

Nation’s Girlfriends Threaten to Have Sex, Warn They May Enjoy It

BUFORD, MT - Boyfriends are cowering in fear this evening after the nation's girlfriends threatened to have sex, warning they may actually enjoy it,...
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Entertainment

The Simpsons Forbids Use of Rich, Hollywood Actors to Voice Working Class Stiffs

HOLLYWOOD - The Simpsons, the beloved cartoon series owned by Fox, is forbidding the use of rich, Hollywood actors to voice characters that are...
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News

Shots Fired! Burger King CEO Lambasts White Castle as Tool of White Supremacy

MIAMI, FL - In a scathing 2000 word post on the company's website, the CEO of Burger King lambasted fast food rival White Castle...
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News

Social Distancing Necessary Until Humanity Goes Extinct, Models Predict

GENEVA - Models projecting a Covid-19 death toll in the millions now predict the only way to rid humanity of the novel coronavirus is...
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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...
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Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.
Tech

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

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Love & Sex

Shocking Number of Women Struggle Living from Boyfriends’ Paycheck to Boyfriends’ Paycheck

WASHINGTON, DC - Despite a strong economy with rising...
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California Reduces Murder to Jaywalking as Way to End Harmful Stigma Faced by Cold-Blooded Killers

SACRAMENTO, CA - As murderers suffer increasing discrimination for...

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Crazed American Woman Kidnaps Member of Royal Family, Flees to Canada

LONDON - In an affront to Britian's worthless monarchy,...
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