Bored Couple Forced to Talk to Each Other After Finishing Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, Amazon Prime and Youtube

FRENSO, CA - No longer able to put off their inevitable interaction, bored local couple Frank Phelps and Kathryn Kirkland were forced to talk...

Breaking: Unarmed Black Man Killed With Kindness by Police

BALTIMORE, MD - With police civility out of control across the country, unarmed black man Leeshawn McNeil was killed with kindness by police today,...

Elderly Man Well Enough to Take Leisurely Stroll During Pandemic Clearly Has Super Powers

AUGUSTA, GA - Local elderly man Bruce Bright who's well enough to take leisurely strolls during a global health pandemic clearly has super powers,...

Opinion: I Don’t Consent to My Girlfriend Not Consenting to Make Sweet, Sweet Love With Me

Like a lot of men in long-term relationships, I run into this problem of my girlfriend not consenting to make sweet, sweet love with...

Hordes of Pale-Faced Undead E-Girls Terrorize Nation

TUSCON, AZ - Angsty teen fashion trend turned public menace, officials acknowledge that hordes of pale-faced undead e-girls are now terrorizing the nation using...

Coronavirus Vaccine to Be Ready Soon After Everyone’s Already Dead, Promises CDC

WASHINGTON, DC - Calming fears about the health impacts of COVID-19, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) promised that a coronavirus vaccine will be...

Shocking Number of Women Struggle Living from Boyfriends’ Paycheck to Boyfriends’ Paycheck

WASHINGTON, DC - Despite a strong economy with rising wages among America's boyfriends, a shocking number of women still struggle living from boyfriends' paycheck...

Bullied Into Losing 100 lbs, Brave Teen Shows World Fat Shaming Really Works

DECATUR, IL - Brave teen Dillon Ruffle was recently bullied into losing nearly 100 lbs, according to sources close to the formerly obese teenager,...

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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...

Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

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Yale Professor Advocating White Genocide Kills Self to Get Ball Rolling

Desperate to end white supremacy and wipe the scourge...

Report: Disproportionate Number of Women Having Babies

WASHINGTON, DC - Highlighting the stark birth gap between...

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Man Certain Failed Relationship Would Work If Ex Were Different Person

Upset over s recent breakup, local man Billy Webb is certain his now failed relationship with his ex-girlfriend would have worked if she had just been a totally different person.

I Live Everyday Like It’s My Last. That’s Why I’m Making Funeral Arrangements at Work.

Live everyday like it's your last. I've always loved...