Opinion: I Don’t Consent to My Girlfriend Not Consenting to Make Sweet, Sweet Love With Me

Like a lot of men in long-term relationships, I run into this problem of my girlfriend not consenting to make sweet, sweet love with...

My Wife’s Boyfriend Is Nice Enough to Let Me Cry in His Man Cave Every Time He Takes Her to Pound Town

As a husband, I need a man in my life who is as thoughtful and kind as my wife's boyfriend Lance; he graciously lets...

I Believe All Women Because It’s Biologically Impossible for Vaginas to Lie

In the current year, I'm astonished there are still ignorant twats who don't think we should believe all women. But I'm not one of...

I Live Everyday Like It’s My Last. That’s Why I’m Making Funeral Arrangements at Work.

Live everyday like it's your last. I've always loved that motto and tried, often without success, to live up to its wisdom. But today...

As a Feminist Ally and Respecter of Women, I Always Make Sure to Introduce My Girl as My Main Bitch

I'm a thoroughly modern man who is an unabashed feminist ally and a hardcore respecter of women. No one respects women more than me,...

5 Easy Ways to Let Loved Ones Know You’re a Literal Nazi

Being a literal Nazi these days is complicated and discussing your new ideas about racial hierarchies and why Jews and Slavs are subhuman with...

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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...

Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

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Experts: Bawling Uncontrollably Like a Helpless Baby Left Alone in Its Crib Drastically Improves Mental Health

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Doctors Recommend Healthy Dose of White Guilt for Reduced Racial Tension

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