Washington, DC – In an effort designed to further empower the American people, a bipartisan group of congress members put forth a bill this afternoon that would effectively extend voting rights to annoying little brothers, a staffer to one of the bill’s sponsors confirmed.
“Annoying little brothers have trembled in the shadows for too long,” Senate Majority Leader from New York Chuck Schumer (D) stated at a press conference announcing the proposed bill. “We seek to rectify this grave injustice by granting the right to vote to all annoying little brothers across this wonderful nation.”
Bill co-sponsor Lindsey Graham, Republican Senator from South Carolina, triumphantly proclaimed, “Annoying little brothers are one of America’s most disenfranchised and marginalized groups; they deserve to finally have their voices heard in the world’s greatest democracy.”
However, older siblings with annoying little brothers were deeply troubled by the news. “This is clearly politicians pandering to get themselves re-elected,” one woman with an especially annoying little brother exclaimed. “My little brother won’t stop punching me in the butt and congress wants to let him vote? This is so ridiculously irresponsible,” one man stated while swatting off his irritating brother.
Upon hearing the news, one little brother stated he’d use vote his vote to further infuriate his siblings.