Tag:Crime

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Perfectionist Looter Knows He Can Pillage Stores, Burn Down Police Stations Better Than That

MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Disappointed with his poor performance during days of rioting in the Twin Cities, perfectionist looter Pete Gibbs knows he can pillage...
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Chicago Residents Terrorized by Police Keeping Community Safe

CHICAGO - Fed up with cops thwarting crime and protecting their neighborhood, Southside Chicago residents say they're done being terrorized by police keeping their...
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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...
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Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.
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Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...
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