MIAMI, FL – In a scathing 2000 word post on the company’s website, the CEO of Burger King lambasted fast food rival White Castle today as being a tool of white supremacy.
“We cannot remain silent any longer,” the CEO stated in his blistering open letter. “Here, at the home of the Whopper, we must take a stand and speak out against fast food chains that are masquerading as hot beds of white supremacy. We don’t make accusations of White Castle supremacy lightly.”
“Using the words ‘white’ and ‘castle’ is subtle corporate branding that suggests hatred and oppression,” the executive’s blog post asserted. “The word ‘white’ is obviously a racist dog whistle while castles are the historical center of white colonial power that subjugated black and brown bodies for generations.”
“For almost a century, White Castle has sold tiny, square burgers that are indeed quite tasty,’ the fast food chief admitted, “but, unlike our competitor, Whoppers flame grilled to perfection are not flavored with the sauce of racism and topped with the historical trauma of slavery for only .49 cents.”
White Castle spokesperson Cecil Fuller responded to the allegations with a simple, “Fuck off.”