Tag:Murder

California Reduces Murder to Jaywalking as Way to End Harmful Stigma Faced by Cold-Blooded Killers

SACRAMENTO, CA - As murderers suffer increasing discrimination for simply committing heinous acts of homicide, California has reduced murder to a jaywalking infraction as...

Florida Man Who Shoved Black Friend in Pool Charged with Attempted Murder

OCALA, FL  - Showing callous disregard for the aquatically challenged, Dave Jacobson, a Florida man who shoved black friend Jazeel Long into a pool,...

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Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

Family Devastated When Teen Son Comes Out as Straight White Male

PARK SLOPE, BROOKLYN - A bombshell admission from a heterosexual, caucasian teen has left an area family devastated this...

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Controversial Study Suggests Girls Are Not Made of Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Tempe, AZ - Upending long-standing scientific consensus on the...

USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being...
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