Tag:Murder

California Reduces Murder to Jaywalking as Way to End Harmful Stigma Faced by Cold-Blooded Killers

SACRAMENTO, CA - As murderers suffer increasing discrimination for simply committing heinous acts of homicide, California has reduced murder to a jaywalking infraction as...

Florida Man Who Shoved Black Friend in Pool Charged with Attempted Murder

OCALA, FL  - Showing callous disregard for the aquatically challenged, Dave Jacobson, a Florida man who shoved black friend Jazeel Long into a pool,...

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USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken...

Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

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Suicidal Man Tries Killing Self by Overdosing on Unwashed Grapes

CORPUS CHRISTI, TX  - Suicidal twenty-nine year old Dean...

Hollywood Exec Terrified His Time in the #MeToo Limelight May Never Come

HOLLYWOOD - Concerned that sexual assault allegations from actresses...
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