California Reduces Murder to Jaywalking as Way to End Harmful Stigma Faced by Cold-Blooded Killers

SACRAMENTO, CA – As murderers suffer increasing discrimination for simply committing heinous acts of homicide, California has reduced murder to a jaywalking infraction as a way to end the harmful stigma faced by cold-blooded killers, according to reports from the state capitol. 

“We won’t tolerate prejudice in any form,” Assembly Speaker Jay Rodgers (D-Lakewood) told reporters on scene. “The marginalization endured by those who ruthlessly slaughter both strangers and loved ones is a scourge upon our great state.”

“Putting murderers in prison where they belong is unfair, unjust and inhumane and California is doing its part to reverse the prejudice cold-blooded killers deal with everyday of their lives,” Mr Rodgers stated. “Society’s toxic stigma against murdering people only ends up hurting those who kill.” 

“Here in the Golden State, we want to destigmatize our bloodthirsty, homicidal community by making murder equivalent to unlawfully walking across the street,” the Assembly Speaker said. “The crime of capital murder, punishable by life in prison, has been reduced to a harmless infraction equivalent to jaywalking and is punishable by a fine of up to $191.” 

Authorities say that murderers need understanding and tolerance, but mostly they need to be immediately released back into our communities after being given a citation for what amounts to not looking both ways before crossing the street.

“Rather than face the dangerous stigma associated with murder,” stated the democrat assemblyman, “stone-cold killers who have no regard for their fellow human beings will now be offered a second lease on life, one that the person they killed will never have.”

“Our only hope is to make iconic serial killers like Ted Bundy, Charles Manson and Jeffrey Dahmer proud of what we’ve accomplished here today,” Mr rodgers procliamed while wiping a tear from his eye.

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