AUGUSTA, GA – Local elderly man Bruce Bright who’s well enough to take leisurely strolls during a global health pandemic clearly has super powers, neighbors under quarantine have told reporters.
“It’s absolutely unthinkable that a man his age isn’t dead from coronavirus yet,” stated neighbor Philip Fox, “but this guy, he’s out gallivanting around like he’s Superman. Only a superhero could brave the great outdoors during a rapidly expanding world-wide health crisis and survive unscathed.”
As increasing numbers of elderly people fall victim to COVID-19, Mr Bright appears to be stronger than the Hulk himself.
“I’d never let a little bug stop me from taking my daily walks,” Mr Bright told reporters as if he could fly around the world counter-rotationally at nearly the speed of light reversing time thereby undoing the coronavirus pandemic. “Look how beautiful it is out here.”
Neighbor Philip Fox believes that Mr Bright, at over eighty years of age, must be able to project some kind of force field or protective energy shield around himself. “Or maybe he moves so quickly he can dodge the virus while also looking like he’s standing completely still,” Mr Fox surmised.
“Every super power has its weakness and one day the virus will get that grizzled old man, one way or the other,” Mr Fox grimly predicted.