Sarah Bradley, a UCLA student and aspiring actress, has filed formal charges against the man with whom she had a sloppy, drunken one-night stand last week. She says the man, named Henry Stone, has patently refused to commit to a sexually exclusive, monogamous long-term relationship built on a foundation of love, equality and mutual respect.
“Henry owes me a relationship! That’s all there is to it.” Ms Bradley told reporters. “I don’t get shit-faced drunk at a house party and have random sex, including a blow job, with just any stranger.”
Ms Bradley admitted that her judgment may have been clouded by alcohol, but stated that what she felt for Mr Stone was “totally genuine.” She stated, “That night, I felt something real between us that I knew could last. We had a bond that went beyond beer pong and body shots.”
In the morning as their drunken stupor waned, Ms Bradley reported that she tried desperately to turn their casual tryst into a day full of fun activities two hungover coeds could enjoy together – as a newly-minted couple. But it was not to be. “He ‘had to go,'” Ms Bradley air quotes sarcastically. “He ‘was busy.’ Henry lied to me from the beginning and that hurts. Relationships require open communication and honesty to have a strong foundation.”
When we reached out to Ms Bradley’s would-be-beau Henry Stone for comment, he was completely taken by surprise. “I haven’t talked to her at all since that night.” Confused he said, “God, I barely remember her name. She texted once or twice but I didn’t text back.” Mr Stone continued, “I don’t owe her shit.”
Brad Simmons, a lawyer who specializes in such cases, stated, “Women win the right to a relationship over 80% of the time, similar to custody cases. The court sees it as an exchange of value on which a man has reneged – and therefore owes. Even in a drunken state, courts usually claim that a man should take responsibility for his actions and give the woman what she’s owed.”
Ms Bradley has retained a high-priced lawyer and is expected to appear in Los Angeles county court in the coming weeks. Mr Stone is considering a public defendant and would take a plea deal of friends with benefits.