NEW YORK, NY – Mortified she inadvertently promoted pro-life ideology, the Material Girl has apologized for the pro-life lyric “I”m keeping my baby” in her 1980s hit song “Papa Don’t Preach,” about a young girl seeking fatherly advice after falling pregnant.
“‘Papa Don’t Preach’ was released in 1986, a time when I was young and naive and thought life was precious and should be cherished, no matter how difficult the circumstance,” Madonna revealed at a press conference about the hit song today. “I now realize implying that life is precious sends a dangerous message to impressionable young girls everywhere.”
“As a global role model to millions and millions of teens, I’m truly ashamed for suggesting that young girls should not immediately abort their unborn child whenever they become pregnant,” the 1980s sex icon stated regretfully.
“For over thirty years, I’ve endured the emotional burden of knowing that untold numbers of young girls may have actually given birth to an adorable little baby rather than have it ripped out of their uterus limb by limb because it was inconvenient at that moment in their lives,” Madonna solemnly told reporters.
As a mea culpa, Madonna plans to rewrite the 80s hit with a pro-abortion lyric that reads “But I made up my mind, I’m killing my baby, hm, I’m gonna kill my baby, hm.”