WASHINGTON, DC – Following Dr Fauci’s recommendation of wearing multiple masks, President Biden suffered a near fatal heart attack today while putting on mask number ten, sources inside the White House disclosed.
Found writhing in pain on the Oval Office floor with a mountain of masks suffocating him and triggering a heart attack, staffers jumped to the president’s aid.
“The American people need to know that wearing a completely ridiculous number of masks is necessary to stop the spread of coronavirus, even if it kills me and makes Kamala the first female president in American history,” Biden reportedly told staffers moments after the traumatic incident.
The seventy-eighty year old career politician was then rushed to Walter Reed Medical Center.
“Being as old and frail as I am, I need all the protection I can get,” the president told reporters bedside at the hospital. “After all, coronavirus has a 99.5% survival rate. It’s a deadly, deadly disease.”
“Yes, Fauci said masks aren’t effective, but then he also said that masks are effective and then he said that two masks are better than one,” Biden stated, still grabbing at his heart. “Wearing ten masks obviously offers ten times the protection. It’s just science – and common sense.”