Experts: Bawling Uncontrollably Like a Helpless Baby Left Alone in Its Crib Drastically Improves Mental Health

Experts Say Bawling Uncontrollably Like a Helpless Baby Left in Alone Its Crib Drastically Improves Mental Health.jpg

Developing cutting-edge mental health techniques to help adults better navigate the world around them, experts believe that bawling uncontrollably like a helpless baby that’s been left alone in its crib can drastically improve ones mental health.

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“Simply by crying and screaming for hours on end, babies are able to magically make all of their infantile problems disappear,” says mental health professional Annie Bentley. “Just like a screeching, out of control two year old who finally gets what he wants, we’ve seen a marked improvement in the psychological well-being of every patient who’s used our innovative Bawling Baby Method.”  

“Encouraging patients to channel their inner infant and sob like a helpless, frightened baby is a tried and true therapeutic technique that leads to better mental health outcomes,” stated therapist Philip Hooper. “Before therapy, many of our patients just kept all of their emotions bottled up and dealt with them like a responsible adult should.”

“I feel like I’ve got a new lease on life,” patient Jesse Pope told reporters. “Therapy has taught me it’s ok to weep hysterically while on the phone with clients or checking out at the grocery store. People are nicer than I thought they would be when a stranger has a complete emotional meltdown.”

“Everyone around me may look at me like I’m a crazy person and frenzied, delirious bouts of sobbing clearly makes my friends and family feel totally awkward,” stated long time patient Vivian Wolf, “but I am proud of my child-like lack of emotional maturity. My mental health is at stake, for God’s sake!” 

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