WASHINGTON, DC – Deliberately flouting government mandates to maintain social distance and wear a mask in public, the FBI warned the public today that extremist groups are plotting fun-filled gatherings with friends and must be stopped.
An agency spokesman said the radicals, who have been brainwashed by a dangerous political ideology, are easily identifiable by the laughter and joy emanating from their unmasked faces with buddies crowded around them. “These people are free thinking, freedom loving fascists who actively collude to create lasting memories with friends,” stated FBI spokesman Gilbert Everett.
“The FBI is using the full force of the government to thwart secret plans by extremists to have a relaxed afternoon of chatting and sipping wine less than six feet away from those they cherish most,” Mr Everett told reporters. “It’s priority number one.”
Despite efforts to beat back the hard-liners, the agency fears their insidious ideas may influence other Americans. “Who knows what could happen if groups of close knit friends conspire to enjoy a beautiful rooftop sunset within arm’s length of each other,” Mr Everett asked. “It could spell the end of the world.”