The Vatican – Warning against the evils of observing oneself having sex, Pope Francis told parishioners at the Vatican this last Sunday that having sex is literally like watching live amateur porn.
“Sex with your spouse is like being the star of your own personal pornographic film,” the Pope reiterated to thousands of believers attending Sunday’s mass, “and watching pornography of any kind, especially the non-professional, homemade variety, is vile and immoral.”
“Witnessing your wife’s booty clap is sinful in the eyes of the Lord. Even a sneak peek of her beautiful, bouncing breasts means you’ve transgressed the word of God,” the world famous Catholic leader stated.
“The Church has decided to forbid sexual activity itself as it is a clear gateway to the seductive powers of pornography,” the Pope counseled his followers. “We know too many are tempted by the devil to crack open an eyelid while their spouse writhes in pornographic ecstasy.”
“Something always felt wicked about watching myself pleasure the woman I love,” one parishioner told reporters on scene after mass. “My wife is to be cherished and respected, not lecherously leered at like she’s my own private porn star. That’s why I’ll never have sex with her again, like the good Lord commands.”
