WASHINGTON, DC – Highlighting the stark birth gap between men and women, a report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) today finds that a disproportionate number of women are having babies.
“Shockingly, zero percent of men are having babies,” stated CDC director Robert Redfield. “We have no record of any biological male giving birth since the agency started keeping childbirth statistics. Our research also suggests that not one man in the history of the human species has ever given birth to another human.”
“This report clearly shows that men are being systematically discriminated against in the world of child birth,” noted concerned gynecologist Lloyd West. “There’s no other area of life that has such glaring inequality and nobody’s doing anything about it.”
“The gender birth gap is real and men face an uphill battle in securing the same birthing rights that women have,” Mr West told reporters. “In our fight for equality between the sexes, we must overcome biology and Mother Nature Herself to give men the opportunity of giving life.”
“We’re anticipating that artificial womb technology can significantly reduce the gender birth gap,” stated Scientific American editor Samuel Whitfield. “Within twenty-five years, we foresee men being implanted with an artificial uterine device and giving birth by C-section, finally overcoming the systemic discrimination of biology.”
The CDC report also noted that no records exist of women producing sperm.