Confirming what many have suspected for decades, a team of scientists at the University of Alabama’s Department of Physics and Astronomy have discovered that the entire discipline of science is nothing but a faith-based cult run by academics with a delusional, empirically prejudiced worldview.
Their findings systematically examined dozens of other studies related to evolutionary theory, the origins of the universe, the germ theory of biology, plate tectonics, and even Einstein’s own general relativity among other significant ideas pertinent to the foundation of modern science. Their study now acknowledges these ideas as utter nonsense and shows that science itself is, in fact, nothing but faith-driven hogwash from start to finish.
“I’ve wasted my life. Nothing is true!” screamed Dr. Murray Wolffman, who was found huddled in a dark corner of his classroom, sobbing uncontrollably. Dr. Wolffman was raised as a devout scientist and staunchly believed in the scientific method, rigorous testing of hypotheses, the peer review process, and an evidence-based methodology where facts can be systematically proven or falsified and linked together in theories which create an ever larger, more in-depth and accurate understanding of the nature of ourselves, of life, and of the universe.
The findings suggest that scientists operate as modern-day prophets whose word is nearly infallible. These scientists are then sheltered from the real world by entrenched, ideologically-driven institutions that have lavish tax benefits proffered them by the government, much like religion.
Dr. Rachel Wainworth, head researcher and dean of the school of Physics and Astronomy, confesses she has had trouble since her undergraduate years deciphering the countless theories and hypotheses that are part of the scientific worldview. “They just get all mixed up in my head,” she told reporters. “Black holes, red dwarfs, dark matter. I wake up in sweats.”
Another researcher, Dr. Bill Kale, was more candid about the findings: “It’s true, we just hobble together some vaguely plausible ‘theories’ and everyone believes it. All these instruments are a great ruse, right? We’ve made so much money, it’s crazy. Literally millions of dollars for ‘grants’ and ‘research.’ You really think all those satellites are ‘orbiting’ the earth or being sent millions of miles into outer space to do ‘research?'” He stated. “They really did some great CGI work.”