CAIRO – Deemed the most important archeological discovery in history, immaculately preserved hieroglyphs of ancient Egyptian women taking selfies were discovered by Oxford archeologists in caves outside Cairo, according to reports released to the press this afternoon.
In hieroglyphs written on papyrus, a group of three young, beautiful women wearing luxurious garb can be seen holding up what appears to be the latest generation iPhone as they perform the age old ritual of taking selfies.
The hieroglyphs contain such rich detail and well preserved coloring that archeologists have been able to determine that the phone in the women’s hands is a Space Grey iPhone 11 Pro Max with a 512 GB hardrive.
“Based on their dress and the model of their iPhone, it is clear that these women were very high status. We have strong evidence suggesting they are princesses,” acclaimed Oxford Egyptologist Ed Swanson told reporters. “The writing above the women’s heads reveals that only princesses are allowed to take part in selfie rituals.”
The daily ritual of taking selfies is a sacred ancient Egyptian ceremony dating back to the Third Dynasty (~2686 to 2613 BC). Selfie taking was designed to make women feel they are still as attractive today as they were yesterday and alleviate their fears of growing old and dying alone.
Mr Swanson stated that the ritual of selfie taking could last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours. “Princesses in Egypt didn’t have a whole hell of a lot to do, so they often killed time engaging in the ancient practice of selfie taking,” the renown Egyptologist noted.
“Once finished with the selfie ritual,” Mr Swanson continued, “Egyptian women would immediately post the selfies, often multiple times a day, to something called social media where they eagerly awaited likes, attention and validation, mostly from strangers.”
The nearly perfectly preserved hieroglyphs will be housed in the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Heilbrunn Collection.