TAMPA, FL – Surrounded by an orderly crowd chanting tired slogans, CNN journalist Jim Acosta was critically injured this week when a mob of Trump supporters hurled an unknown number of mild verbal insults at him while reporting live during a Trump rally.
Eye-witnesses report that the crowd violently clobbered the middle-aged news anchor with screams of “Fake news!” then pummeled him with shouts of “CNN sucks!” while brandishing angry faces. Numerous people assaulted Jim Acosta with their middle finger and signs proclaiming “Blacks For Trump” were displayed in a threatening manner.
“It was a vicious, full frontal assault like we’ve never seen before,” CNN producer Gloria Parker told reporters. “Jim was emotionally battered and bruised beyond recognition. He’s been airlifted to Carrollwood Hospital and is in critical, but stable condition. Jim has many months of recovery ahead of him, but he’s made everyone at CNN so proud.”
“This attack by Trump supporters was clearly orchestrated by Trump who took his marching orders directly from Putin,” stated the embattled millionaire news anchors while recovering from life-threatening injuries to his ego. “Not only are Russians controlling US elections, now they’re meddling in political rallies to stoke hatred against CNN, disrupt democracy and hurt my feelings.”
“I’m going to need multiple reconstructive surgeries and may lose my left foot; that’s how dangerous mild verbal insults are,” Mr Acosta told reporters. “I’m lucky to be alive.”