PITTSBURGH, PA – Anxiously anticipating the next big step in their relationship, area newlyweds Frank and Hailey Booth are excitedly planning for their divorce, sources close to the couple told reporters today.
“They’re the perfect newlyweds, but they’re afraid their relationship will become stagnant,” stated long-time friend Jazmin Knox. “If I know one thing about Frank and Hailey, they like to keep things fresh and exciting. They’re always moving forward.”
“They’re going to have the most awesome divorce ever,” stated Kevin Ray who was the best man at the wedding. “They’re inviting everyone back from the wedding to attend the legal proceedings; it’s even going to be catered with an open bar and DJ. It will be EPIC.”
“It’s like planning our wedding, but in reverse,” Mrs Booth told reporters. “My husband will tell you I love to plan things and I’m a stickler for detail. As a happily married couple, you’re supposed to prepare for your future together, and that’s what we’re doing.”
The carefree newlyweds report spending literally months comparing local divorce lawyers and searching for that perfect courtroom where the special proceedings will be held. “Upside is that planning a divorce is less of a pain in the ass than planning a wedding,” Mrs Booth stated.
“This has been in the works for a very long time,” stated Mr Booth, “since before Hailey’s pregnancy or even our wedding. A lot of hardwork is about to pay off in alimony payments, child support and endless, bitter custody battles.”