Crazed American Woman Kidnaps Member of Royal Family, Flees to Canada

Crazed American Woman Kidnaps Member of Royal Family, Flees to Canada

LONDON – In an affront to Britian’s worthless monarchy, a crazed American woman kidnapped a member of the royal family today and fled to Canada with her princely victim, Scotland Yard has confirmed.

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Authorities believe the horrifying incident was carried out by rogue, third-rate Hollywood actress Meghan Markle who captured Duke of Sussex Prince Harry in broad daylight right on the grounds of Kensington palace, where the victim resides.

“A breach of this magnitude has not happened since the royals began living here in the 1600s,” stated officer Albert Lawson. “One look at her and anyone can see this woman is clearly a threat. We’re not sure how she made it past palace security, but believe she may have charmed the guards with her exotic American beauty.”

Through secretly learning the royal family’s daily movements and diligent planning, the crazed abductress knew exactly where Harry would be and at what time. “Kensington Palace is a fucking maze,” Mr Lawson admitted to reporters. “Even the royal family get lost and confused, so this woman must have really known the ins-and-outs of the royal household.”

The petite, five foot two kidnapper cunnningly forced her burly, six foot one hostage onto a commercial flight bound for Canada at London’s Heathrow Airport with apparently no one recognizing that British royalty was sitting in coach.

“Bitch, the royal household doesn’t tolerate this sort of nonsense. We’re coming for your sorry American ass,” Queen Elizabeth stated during a press conference at Buckingham Palace.

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