GLENDALE, AZ – With cases of race-related anxiety being reported at an ever increasing rate across the country, doctors are recommending a healthy dose of white guilt for reduced racial tension for those afflicted with this terrible medical condition.
Doctors say it’s common for white people to experience racial tension at some point. In fact, many have low level racial anxiety for most of their lives. Fortunately, a regular, liberal dose of white guilt goes a long way in curing this socially debilitating sickness, claims Dr Sam Lowe, a specialist in race based diseases.
“This is a treatable illness and easily diagnosed by a medical professional,” Dr Lowe stated. “We medically induce a powerful guilt trip where patients begin to feel personally responsible for the institution of slavery and become wracked with shame for perpetuating white supremacy.”
“Sufferers of racial tension are prescribed 80mg of a white pill with the word GUILT emblazoned on it,” Dr Lowe told reporters. “Guilt is a scientifically proven reliever of racial tension, but for sustained and effective reduction, medication must be taken daily.”
“I had an awkward moment last week; I told some friends I want to dread my hair because I love dreads, and one angrily said that’s cultural appropriation,” stated Audrey Knowles, recently treated for a severe case of racial tension. “Since taking my meds, I’m never that racially insensitive but I realized I’d forgotten to take them that morning! Oops!”
Dr Lowes reports that nearly 4 in 5 white Americans are on some form on white guilt medication.
