HOLLYWOOD – Concerned that sexual assault allegations from actresses he briefly worked with two decades ago haven’t yet materialized, Hollywood executive Matthew Stein is terrified that his time in the #metoo limelight may in fact never come.
“There has to be at least one or two women out there who are unhappy with me in some way,” the CEO of Wag the Dog pictures told reporters this afternoon. “There’s been plenty of late night meetings and enough casual dinners for something to go wrong somewhere along the way.”
‘Yet these women remain silent,” the veteran Hollywood executive stated, “refusing to allege even the slightest hint of wrong-doing on my part. It’s appalling.”
Mr Stein stated that he has been fantasizing about how he’ll handle the fame and world-renown that come with sexual assault allegations since #metoo first burst onto the scene in October 2017. The interviews, the press, the gossip, the courts, possible jail time all titillated him.
Sadly it hasn’t played out like he expected. “I thought for sure some brave actress I worked with in the 80s would post sexual assault allegations to Twitter, sparking media outrage leading to a litany of other allegations and the downfall of my career,” the disappointed film mogul told reporters.
Mr Stein pointed to Asia Argento as the way he’d like #metoo to destroy his life and family. “I’d love nothing more than to be exposed as an utter hypocrite and statutory rapist,” Mr Stein lamented.
“It’s my time to shine, damn it! And these women are robbing me of that.”