ST. LOUIS, MI – Unhappy with being demolished in two presidential races while alive, Bernie Sanders, who recently suspended his campaign, stated at a rally this afternoon he vows to come back from the dead to lose a third presidential bid in 2024.
“The people demand that I don’t go anywhere near the White House, at least while I’m alive,” the once beloved presidential candidate told a cheering crowd today, “but I pledge to each one of you that I won’t let a little thing like death stop me from being defeated again by whatever random person is running for president in four years!”
Unable to clinch the Democratic presidential nomination in both 2016 and 2020, Mr Sanders feels quite strongly that he has a realistic chance of losing again after having passed on.
“My rotting corpse will rise from the grave to make empty promises of healthcare for all and free college in time to suffer a third humiliating defeat in the 2024 presidential election,” the still not dead former candidate stated.
Certain that his unorthodox political strategy will pay off, a group of devout Bernie Bros have sworn to dig up the stinking, festering carcass of the failed presidential hopeful when the time is right.