FRENSO, CA – No longer able to put off their inevitable interaction, bored local couple Frank Phelps and Kathryn Kirkland were forced to talk to each other this evening after the two had finished watching all of Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, Amazon Prime, HBO and Youtube, sources close to the lovebirds have confirmed.
“We were just finishing up the final episode of Tiger King when I was gripped by the paralyzing fear that there was literally nothing else to watch,” Ms Kirkland said with terror in her eyes. “We were done, finished, caput.”
“Let’s just say having to converse with my significant other didn’t go so well,” Ms Kirkland confided in reporters. “Our relationship thrives when we’re completely ignoring each other while watching our favorite drama series or sci-fi flicks.”
“Honestly, consuming every last drop of video entertainment available on the internet is the perfect way to avoid talking to your sweetheart,” stated Mr Phelps. “But not even the seemingly infinite content from the world’s largest streaming services can stop a couple from having to socialize at some point. We learned that painful lesson tonight.”
“The whole idea of being with someone is having a warm human body next to you that you don’t have to actually interact with but takes away life’s utter sense of meaninglessness as you enjoy the latest season of WestWorld,” Mr Phelps told reporters.
The lovers will have to resort to non-traditional sources of entertainment to evade any future fraternizing, like tapping into Mr Phelps’ grandmother’s vast collection of 80s and 90s movies on VHS tape and LaserDisc.
