MONTPELIER, VT – Worried about being seen as a modern-day white ethno-state, Vermont passed a bill earlier today that will ship in black people from Compton and other predominantly black cities around the country to increase the state’s diversity.
“We have a statewide diversity crisis,” Vermont governor Phil Scott told reporters at a press conference on capital hill this afternoon. “With a population that is 96.8% caucasian, even I as a straight white republican male can see that Vermont is far too white for its own good.”
“House Bill H.22 is a bi-partisan bill designed to correct our state’s demographic catastrophe,” the governor continued, “by shipping the blacks in by the boatload from some of America’s most celebrated cities, like Baltimore and Camden, NJ.”
“We will no longer tolerate white Vermonters turning our beautiful state into a haven for white supremacists,” House Democratic Majority Leader Jill Krowinski reassured the press, “and this bill clearly lets white people know that they have no business being the dominant racial group here in Vermont or anywhere else in this great nation.”
The bill offers black families $500,000 and individuals $200,000 to permanently relocate to the Green Mountain state. Black families that have three or more children will also pay no sales or state income taxes and will receive a six bedroom three bathroom home on twenty acres of land along with a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Unfortunately, things won’t be so peachy keen for whites, according to the bill. White families will pay hefty fines for procreating like horny rabbits and have children adopted out to black families in order to unlearn their unconscious racism.
“We’re projecting by 2030 the state will be less than 50% white,” Vermont state representative Bernie Sanders, who was also attending the press conference, stated. “Listen, diversity is America’s future, and we must incentive a fair and equitable redistribution of the population.”
As he left the press conference, Mr Sanders could be heard cheering, “Time’s up, bitches!”