GENEVA – Models projecting a Covid-19 death toll in the millions now predict the only way to rid humanity of the novel coronavirus is to maintain social distancing until our species goes extinct.
“Social distancing is here to stay – until you’re dead,” World Health Organization researcher Óscar Murillo reassured the public. “We’ve ran the models over and over and there is no scenario in which the virus can be beaten without social distancing until the human race is totally obliterated.”
“We had hoped a few months of people standing six apart would defeat this illness,” stated WHO director Matthys White, “but that has not been the case. Health models show the only way to end to the pandemic is for each nation to stay vigilant in social distancing until not one of your fellow countrymen remain alive.”
WHO says its health models are nothing less than gospel truth and governments must enact harsher physical restrictions on citizens to combat the virus.
“Coronavirus is a plague that will haunt us until the end of time or humanity is wiped out, whichever comes first,” Mr White stated standing in a bulletproof glass and metal encasement six feet from reporters.