Omaha, NE – Wondering how his property could have possibly been overlooked during a rash of home invasions recently, would-be burglary victim Brandon Francis was offended the robber deliberately skipped over his high-priced home during the local crime spree.
“Something like this really makes you question everything,” Mr Francis told reporters outside his impeccably maintained single-family detached home. “Is my home not good enough to rob? Am I too poor for this high-class robber? He wouldn’t even rob me and that’s deeply insulting.”
Seamus Carroll, a close friend of 10 years, stated that he would definitely burglarize Mr Francis’ home, given the opportunity. “Oh, if it were me, I’d definitely rob Brandon of everything he’s got. We’re great friends and all, but he owns the nicest home in the neighborhood. Poor robber has no idea what he missed out on.”
Police Chief Keenan Mullen stated that the perpetrator was obviously a clueless amateur. “Criminals need to better differentiate between high value homes that are worth robbing and those that are not,” the chief stated. “As public safety officers, we advise you to be conscientious and thoughtful in your approach to crime.”
“If they dare leave my beautiful home untouched during the next round of horrifying burglaries, I’ll be forced to call the police,” Mr Francis stated.