Barbie Unveils Aspirational Doll Line Happy Hookers

EL SEGUNDO, CA - In an effort to increase awareness of prostitution to pre-pubescent girls worldwide, Barbie has unveiled a new aspirational...

Chickens Demand Egg Cartons Accurately Represent Poultry Community

PETALUMA, CA - Aiming to fowl up the established pecking order in egg aisles nationwide, chickens are demanding that egg cartons...

Family Devastated When Teen Son Comes Out as Straight White Male

PARK SLOPE, BROOKLYN - A bombshell admission from a heterosexual, caucasian teen has left an area family devastated this week when their son Nathan...

Report: Disproportionate Number of Women Having Babies

WASHINGTON, DC - Highlighting the stark birth gap between men and women, a report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)...

Adult Industry Cheers Anti-Porn Law Banning Female Performers of Child Bearing Age

SAN FERNANDO VALLEY - Horrified that their industry is little more than a conveyor belt of fertile young women having sex on camera with...

Harvard Admits an Alarmingly High Rate of Male Students Are Attracted to Females

CAMBRIDGE, MA - After numerous disturbing reports of men flirting with women, Harvard was forced to admit today that an alarmingly high rate of...

Yale Professor Advocating White Genocide Kills Self to Get Ball Rolling

Desperate to end white supremacy and wipe the scourge of European colonialism from the face of planet earth, Yale history professor Nicolas Walker killed...

NYU Student Violently Attacked by Wrong Pronouns Left for Dead in Park

A gruesome scene unfolded this afternoon in New York City’s Central Park. IT specialist Max Adnet violently attacked twenty-one year old NYU student Esther Reynolds with the...

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Feminists Push Bill Excluding Hot Guys from Sexual Harassment Laws

Ordinarily known for being man-hating femsplainers, feminists are finally showing some love for men, at least the hot ones.

Drug-Fueled Orgies Reduce Stress, Boost Morale Says ClutchX CEO

DENVER, CO - With staff more relaxed and cooperative after using hard drugs combined with group fornication, ClutchX CEO...

Family Devastated When Teen Son Comes Out as Straight White Male

PARK SLOPE, BROOKLYN - A bombshell admission from a heterosexual, caucasian teen has left an area family devastated this...

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Crazed American Woman Kidnaps Member of Royal Family, Flees to Canada

LONDON - In an affront to Britian's worthless monarchy,...

Trans Woman’s Civil Rights Violated When Stranger Avoids Eye Contact

Local transgender woman Kim Larson reports that her civil rights were grossly violated when a total stranger deliberately avoided eye contact with her crossing paths on Fifth Street last week.

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Hollywood Exec Terrified His Time in the #MeToo Limelight May Never Come

HOLLYWOOD - Concerned that sexual assault allegations from actresses...

Harassed Model Is Fed Up, Quitting When Career’s Clearly Going Nowhere

Norwegian model Annette Opland reports of non-stop harassment and is so fed up that the harassed model plans to quit the industry when her career's clearly going nowhere.

USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends

WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being...
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