Little Bigot! White Boy Accused of Racism for Hugging Black Friend Too Much
WACO, TX - With physical displays of affection against black people on the rise, bigoted white boy James Chase has been accused of racism for...
Controversial Study Suggests Girls Are Not Made of Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice
Tempe, AZ - Upending long-standing scientific consensus on the nature of female-kind, a controversial new study conducted by Arizona State University suggests that girls...
USDA Approves Free Range Girlfriends
WASHINGTON, DC - After numerous disturbing reports of being unnecessarily caged to one boyfriend, the USDA has finally taken action and approved free range...
Doctors: Only Known Cure for Resting Bitch Face Is to Stop Being a Bitch
KANSAS CITY - Unable to develop a medical treatment for one of the world's most baffling facial conditions, doctors reveal the only known cure...
My Dick Is Too Big to Go to Jail Pleads Well-Hung Man During Arrest
GALLUP, NM - Leveraging his breathtakingly large penis to avoid responsibility for his actions, well-hung local man Cecil Snider pleaded "My dick is way...
Breaking: Woman Miraculously Survives Yet Another Nice Guy Holding Elevator Door Open For Her
NEW YORK CITY - Endlessly victimized by men holding elevator doors open for her, local woman Mandy Christophson reports that she miraculously survived yet...
Florida Man Who Shoved Black Friend in Pool Charged with Attempted Murder
OCALA, FL - Showing callous disregard for the aquatically challenged, Dave Jacobson, a Florida man who shoved black friend Jazeel Long into a pool,...
Chicago Residents Terrorized by Police Keeping Community Safe
CHICAGO - Fed up with cops thwarting crime and protecting their neighborhood, Southside Chicago residents say they're done being terrorized by police keeping their...
Area Man Wakes Up Next to Frumpy, Short-Haired Lesbian Impersonating His Wife
COLUMBUS, OH - Certain he fell asleep next to the beautiful, young woman he married, area man Bob Eaton was shocked this morning after...